By Mike Welsh
Great news – for some. Tony Abbott is not quitting politics at the next poll.
For me, I can’t wait. Federal politics has become far too smug and self satisfied for my liking since Tony was shafted. I can’t wait for the old head kicker to throw a leg back over a bike and begin peddling again.
I presume Tony has not stopped bike riding since his colleagues put a nasty big spoke in his works last Sept. But social, lycra clad, caffeine infused peddling is distinct from political peddling or, if you like, polipeddling. Polipeddling is not yet a real word but I’ll wager it’s a chance for 2020 Word of the Year. By then every man and his dog in Canberra will be riding bikes. Well maybe not the dogs. But guaranteed five years after Tony Abbott’s return to the bespoke, supple, leather saddle which instinctively embraces every political nerve ending of his elastic bike shorted encased hard arsed, arse and his ride back into glory, Canberra will be one big bike rack.
“Any old Prime Minister can take Public transport or Power walk, but it takes one special pair of balls to ride a bike”.
Abbott can now return to what he was put on this earth to do. Though there aren’t too many who know exactly what it is that Tony Abbott was pre ordained for and therein lies the conundrum which is Anthony John Abbott. Let’s just conclude that his best work is done without the oppressive responsibility of high office. Been there done that but didn’t get the T shirt, or the key to the Lodge.
Tony Abbott’s best work was done in attack. He relentlessly hammered Julia Gillard and to a lesser degree Kevin Rudd until they were not only out of office but obliterated. He’s taken out two PMs. One to go?.
Tony must quickly graduate from the School of “If You See A Head Kick It”, to the slightly more cultured learning institute of “Look right then left and right again then Kick”. He now needs to be more agile and prudent as he goes about White Anting one of his own. While most in politics would roll their granny for a sausage roll, a former PM has to be way cunning if he is to inconspicuously pull the rug out from under the very man who scalped him. While we are in the realm of heads, heirs, heirs apparent and heir replacements there would be “hell to pay” (sorry) if he were to adopt “old” Tony tactics to dislodge Malcolm from his newly renovated Canberra lodgings.
It’ll be a priceless lesson in modern politics to observe Tony Abbott these next few months. And I suggest it’ll be particularly beneficial to keep both eyes on his body language. There will be a transformation, although he won’t be on the telly as much as he was. Which is a good thing. There are many layers to the onion but very few to Tony Abbott.
The famous “cowboy” swagger which never really went totally walkabout but was hobbled after he won the leadership in late 2009 will stride right back. And the boofy, blokey banter, curtailed for the term, will pop its politically unattractive head above the parapet again and at the most inopportune times. But hopefully the controversial red “bathers” will be donated to the Museum of bad taste.
“Under orders from his handpicked handmaiden Peta Credlin, as a bloke for whom the game of politics came as easy as falling off a bike, side-saddle never sat well with Tony Abbott”.
Unfortunately for Tony though, his daily 6.30 news fluorescent pinni garbed grab often depicted him as resembling the neighborhood thug who’d just stolen a bike. His gait and body language, peddling like buggery down a suburban street in the wrong gear and constantly looking behind him was never a good look.