By Mike Welsh

Neville Nobody knows nothing and nobody and anybody who knows Neville knows he never did no harm to nobody. (Like Neville those who know him didn’t receive a complete education).

Neville Nobody is so straight up and down and nigh on invisible that he’s not eligible for the colourful Aussie moniker “Nifty”. Fact is Neville doesn’t even qualify for the slightly less formal but grudgingly accepted- by most Nevilles- the abbreviation “Nev”. It’s Neville and that’s it. Nothing and no-one will ever change it or him.


But that is until now. While change doesn’t sit well with Neville Nobody, one thing has seriously niggled (Neville hasn’t been niggled, seriously or otherwise since February 14 1966 on the introduction of decimal currency) and that’s being told how to to vote. Neville Nobody does vote but nobody who knows Neville knows how he votes. They accept that nobody tells Neville Nobody how to vote. Nobody!!

Nobody knows this but many who know Neville are prepared to bet a “penny to a pound of goat dropping” that Neville’s problem is he has never fully recovered the trauma he suffered as a schoolboy boarding public transport on that D day in ’66 and being given “yank” money in change for the fare he paid in pennies.

Now Neville is not your type to boycott something just because its bent out of shape.  No, Neville is not by nature or any stretch of the imagination a protester and by boycotting the poll he’d also be stepping way out of his comfort zone. So without malice or judgement, Neville Nobody,as far as anyone knows, is voting no. Not because he has an issue with same sex relationships or has any conflicting cultural or religious beliefs but simply he firmly believes there are some things which matter. Although nobody who knows Neville knows if there are any other things which “matter” to Neville.



It’s simple, the most non-threatening- know- nothing -nong on the planet should not have to endure some loudmouth slapping him around the head with a rainbow placard and demanding he vote yes is beyond the pale for the this seriously washed out beige battler.

Telling Neville Nobody or anybody for that matter how to vote is simply un Australian. Beware the Neville Nobodys.

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