The Broad Church wasn’t ready for this broad

 By Mike Welsh
Nikki Savva’s explosive book on the downfall of Tony Abbott may have just given birth to a new political idiom. It’s corny and it’s crude but it goes some of the way in summarising the sad and sorry saga.
tone and peta cred.jpg
“The Road To Ruin” promises an insight into how a dysfunctional government came tumbling down.
It appears from Savva’s book that the fault sits squarely at the feet of Peta Credlin, Abbott’s Chief of Staff, whom he allowed to stomp on way too many Conservative toes. And now it’s payback time.
Insiders have been reportedy lining up to take a swing at Credlin and to a lesser degree Abbott.
Savva’s book also provides details of other shenanaghans including “choppergate” and the culprit who broke a marble coffee table during a late night party in the freshly dislodged PM’s office. But it’s Credlin’s imposing footprint which looms large throughout the book and over its fallout.
Taking centre stage is the “perception” Credlin and Abbott were having an affair. Savva says several senior coalition colleagues raised the delicate topic with both parties. Brave move if we are to believe the extent of Credlin’s influence over Abbott and therefore the career prospects of those in and around the Abbott Government.
“Credlin not only possesses a large set of  testicles, she had almost sole custody and an “iron grip” on the now slightly less impressive and smaller set once attached to Tony Abbott”
 Once the sizzle of the alleged “hiding of the sausage” fades will there be a usable insight into the workings of the mind of the shirtfronting Rhodes scholar Abbott?. Here is the man who can rightly claim some authorship of the “A Headkickers Guide to Modern Politics” but apparently chose to ignore the red flags which were flapping in his face. What makes Abbott really tick doesn’t appear to be revealed to any extent on reading “The Road To Ruin”. That’s another book, or three, and surely worth much than $29.95
This is not the first book which attempts to explain what went wrong last October (at last count it’s number 3) but it is the most expansive critique to date of a Government which quickly squandered a healthy mandate and began to wobble out of control. It has all the right people saying the right things and of course more than a whiff of a sex scandal. A book promoter’s dream.
To date Abbott  is loathe to “rake over the coals” of the sordid tale but there were plenty who went on the record  to clearly point out Abbott would walk across the same coals to defend Credlin from criticism.
Credlin has described the book as “scurrilous gossip”.
Laurie Oakes gets close to nailing the essence of the story with his clever cover comment…”An Instant Classic”…. the weirder than weird story of a duo who couldn’t govern to save themselves”
nikki savvaSavva ‘s book brutally paints Credlin as  a disrespectful, bad tempered and bullying banshee. Apart from some interesting tidbits about the highly damaging “choppergate” scandal and Abbott’s rugby mate Joe Hockey’s table top tap dancing, the take home message is clear  …..Credlin not only owns a large set of testicles, she also had almost sole custody and an “iron grip” on the now slightly less impressive and smaller set once attached to Tony Abbott.

The Emasculation of Tony Abbott

alan-jones-640x360.jpg.pagespeed.ce.4ramXeDVhSBy Mike Welsh

The Prime Ministerial Medico has suggested PM Tony Abbott discontinues his early morning bike rides. Apparently  donning the lycra pre-dawn is downright dangerous according to Dr Graham Killer

Dr Killer, who is retiring after treating all PMs since Paul Keating, has taken a fatalistic approach and fears the Skipper of Team Australia will eventually come a nasty cropper. A real cropper from the bike as opposed to a knife in the back from  his own political pals as the polls slide even further.

Makes you wonder if Harold Holt’s quack nagged him about swimming in the surf.

Dr Killer told News Limited……

“Tony Abbott should ditch his early-morning cycling for a less risky exercise. It’s only a matter of time until Mr Abbott has some sort of bike related-accident.” 

The doctor has advised the PM to adopt the regular walking fitness regime followed and made fashionable by  John Howard.

Just what  Tony Abbott needs as he enters another year at the top…. eliminate  another of the few remaining  earthly pleasures he has.  The man is not a monk, well not anymore.

I’m beginning to feel some empathy for this man. He’s tried so darned hard to shake off the misogyny monika but Man hating Monicas and Melanis all over the land continue to blow the same tune Misogynistic tune.

What more does  this dedicated macho  man need to do. He went to all that trouble of actually marrying a girl. He endured  the messy business of producing  offspring (3x female). Tony Abbott has even agreed to have his “boys” converted to “detachable” for the duration. It’s just easier when you have to hand them over at the front office before getting down to running the business of running the country.  He has even  manned up and strapped on an apron and ironed his short stack of  shirts.  All he asks in return is to be able borrow his testicles for a bit of  Fire fighting (seasonal),  Budgie Smugglin’ (vital part of the package) and head kicking (has some else to do most of that these days).

The sad irony is poor old Tony has spent his first year as Prime Minister desperately trying to hide his body language. For most of 2014 the PM had  the awkward and shifty gait of someone who has just stolen a girls bike , peddling like buggery but getting nowhere because he can’t find the right gear and  furiously looking behind him to see if he’s about to be caught.